Emmett V, Cold
by capra-silva
Summary: Just a little bit of humour about Emmett having to babysit Bella, and everything goes a bit wrong, generally just stupid humour.My First fanfiction! It's going to turn out longer then i planned, it's a tad etter then it sounds i think LET ME KNOW HOW IT I
1. Snot Ball

**A/N Just so you know, the italics are thoughts; they are mostly Emmett's, though second half of this chapter is a bit of all. And I'm really sorry about my peculiar writing style, sometimes I can write really well, but need a good idea hint to start off with, or have a good idea, but can't write it well, or a bit of both.**

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Third Persons

"_Babysitting Bella, no problem, she's sick, dirty, snotty, coughing...half unconscious."_ Emmett thought, still curious as to why HE had to "babysit" Bella _"This is going to be a piece of cake. Now to wait for the arrival of my babysitting payment, a brand new car AND paintball!! Edward is so generous"_

_DING DONG_

"_She's here. Better get the door."_ Emmett scrambled to the door, smashing into several tables, and breaking Esme's favourite antique table and her new fridge_. "I am so dead_."

"_This house sure could use a clean, especially Rosalie's room it smells like dead horse...or maybe that's her perfume."_

"Well, Bells, aren't you so hyped that your FAVOURITE brother in law is going to be with you the WHOLE day" Emmet stated, Bella half fell through the door , ignoring his greeting, and straight to the couch, falling into a dreamless sleep like state almost instantly. _"Just like I said, piece of cake"_ Emmett thought, rather proud of himself.

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_(Bella's thoughts now)_

"_Is he THAT stupid, any normal human being could see straight past my lazy attempt at acting, maybe Edward was right about the brain disorder"_

Emmett could be heard going upstairs, due to excessively loud footsteps and way too much food, and slamming his door shut.

"_Half-wit, I thought he was supposed to watch me all day, now time to put my plan into action, and if I am lucky, I can get some payback for when Emmett put hair removal cream in my shampoo and ice cream in bed...on school photo day"_

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**A/N**

**I'm having two possible endings, because I really couldn't decide which one to use, so they'll be up, now.**

**And, sorry, I know this chapter is kinda short, I swear I will have at least another one up tomorrow, and i have tonnes of ideas and funny lines, i am just trying to piece everything together, cause im like turning into a vampire, staying up late and sleeping in lots, so I a kinda tired now, maybe later tpday I'll have one, that is if anyone reads this :P**

**Now, I don't really care if you review, I only want to have a review if I deserve it, even if it's saying it's horrible, I just want honesty, not just reviewing cause I'm bugging you or something, so ...however corny, review, from the HEART (btw, I was not serious, I'm not some weird poetry person)**


	2. HUMAN

**A/N This is Emmett's Side Okay, I have figured everything out, I am going to have at least 2 more chapters, cause I have those ideas, but I kind of need feedback, I don't like pestering you for reviews, but if you are actually reading this, let me know, if ANYONE is, that includes you, PM me or review, so I know if I should keep writing**

"_Finally, some peace and quiet, Bella is half unconscious and the gang will be home in no time, only 6 more hours...6 MORE HOURS!? Awww, I have to sit here listening to Bella making strange strang-ly noises and liquid-y bubble sounds for 6 hours, how am I going to cope? Wait a minute, are humans meant to make those noises...I can't remember what to do, or even what they are! THE INTERNET!! Easy, I'll just search humans making...strange noises."_

Emmett got off his couch, and stomped over to his laptop. Shaking the mouse to wake it up, he wondered if he should call Edward about the...noises, maybe, but what if they're bad noises and I don't get my paintball.

Finally the internet opened and went to Emmett's home-page, YouTube, Alice and Rosalie trying to figure out what the mystery substance was, they never got it, using all their senses, they never realised it was cough cow poo cough..

"_They are never going to live that down, okay, Google, Google, mmm...there it is! Okay, what was I going to type..? Oh well, human will do, I can probably find something from there. Let's see, human on wiki, grow science-human, human rights, becoming human-evolution, hmm, the H.U.M.A.N project, that sounded professional. Which section, jobs, no, research, no, home, no, kids corner, well I suppose one game won't hurt...NO Emmett got to save Bella, if she dies, no paintball or car! Well, okay, I'll just add it to favourites. Okay, what else is here, blah, blah, blah...here we go, help"_

_If your H.U.M.A.N is not working in correct fashion, return to closet retailer/shop or factory._

"_Easy enough, I guess I have to take her to Seattle, I think they have shops there, from what Alice tells me"_

Emmett madly drove to Seattle, Bella buckled in the back. The car trip was slow and painful for Emmett and Bella, the awkward silences that unconsciousness brought on, Emmett really hated it! He pulled his mother sized jeep awkwardly up on the curb, smashing a mail box on the way. He leapt out of the car and ran to the shopping centre.

"_Awwwwwwwww, holy crow, I forgot Bells"_

He flung himself back to the car at vampire speed, he ripped the door off trying to get Bella out, and by that point had gathered quite a crow, but Emmett just smashed through it, the crowd parting like the red sea. Again he flung himself towards the shopping centre. He looked around, and leapt into the first shop he saw, Bras n' All things girly. He was faced with a horrific sight, bras and panties and too much pink for the male mind to handle. He still went on, and he made it to the cash register.

"How may I help you?" asked the blond server, with too much make-up,

"Hello, my name is Emmett, and I would like to return this human"

"Ehh.." the shop assistant stuttered

"Oh, sorry" the blond doll looked relieved to be out of the sticky situation, "I don't have a receipt"

**A/N I am pretty sure now this is going to be somewhere between 5-10 chapters I HOPE, sorry, my mind flows, so when I am out of ideas, I am out. I am pretty much saying what I had before in my head, and was going to go into 2 chapters, but now I have lots of obstacle and complications etc.**

**CYA xxx Update very soon, and like I said, I hate pestering for reviews, cause I find it annoyinh myself, but let me know if you like this, it's times like these when you see why people ask for reviews, but it doesn't have to be a review, you can PM or something**

**Toodles xx**


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